Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
