Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
