so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
