community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
