we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
