hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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