so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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