Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
