remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
