I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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