is your mom at the bar?
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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