I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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