I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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