Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
