yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'm always down for nudity.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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