So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
