You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
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We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
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I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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