we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
