Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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