After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Dignity is for republicans.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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