remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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