one might say we're banned from that church
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
