clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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