When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
