I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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