There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
