my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
