Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
