There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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