some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
