im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
