Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize