everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
