You just made me feel so damn special
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
