Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
