I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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