her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
