Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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