I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
