Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
