The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
