Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
