Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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