Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
