After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
