4 words: hood of his car
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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