onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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