Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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