haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
