We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
