So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
