I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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