She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
