i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I can feel your judgement through the phone
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.