what if every blade of grass was a penis?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"