He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
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Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
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he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.