So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
