i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
