I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
