A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
